Monday, November 10, 2008

Worrisome Wonders

Okay, so turning into Carrie Bradshaw at the drop of a dime probably won't end up being as simple as I sometimes make myself think. I usually consider it easily possible during the night...I don't think it's a coincidence. Lets just say that I'm not an only child. I have a sister, and when I was younger, she explained to me that it was possible to make yourself orgasm. At the time, I had no idea what she was talking about, but, low and behold after some experimentation later on, I realized she was right. Hmm.

So anyways - it's night time. I'm relaxing in bed feeling great, thinking about certain fellas and doing certain things (I have a pretty good imagination =]) and that's when I usually think... God, I'm just gonna go do it. Seriously.

Then comes the morning, and that thought process flits out the window as the sunshine starts to spill in - to be replaced by other thoughts. Fears and worries really. I've had conversations with enough of my friends to get such different accounts of sex as to puzzle me exceedingly. I hear it's great, wonderful, amaaaazing. &nd then I hear it's ok. Blah. "I'm indifferent."

&nd then course there's the damage (or aid) done by those magazines. What if I'm not feeling it? What if I don't get turned on? Will I have to FAKE an orgasm? Is he really going to want THAT? Oh god he's going to think I'm fat. If only I could shut up my thoughts for a second and start thinking with the area so many of you seem to agree that men think with. Time to move downtown.

If only Carrie were here to be my personal guide.


Sunday, November 9, 2008

Once Upon a Time...

I was brought up believing in true love. Likewise, I was raised on fairytales and stories of Prince Charming and Happily Ever After. I was taught that having sex with someone was a special act. I was told it meant something, and it shouldn't ever be an activity you take part in just to pass the time or have fun. It's supposed to be a gift you share with the one person you've given your heart to.

Fast forwad twenty years and those ideas and ideals have resulted in a hopeless romantic. I am by no means a prude, and I certainly have a love for lip locking, but my sexual endeavors don't extend far beyond that. It isn't that I'm not desired and I haven't had the opportunity to go...well...all the way around the baseball field a few's just that I've never wanted to wrap my heart up in a box and a bow and give it to any of the fellas who've clearly been interested in such an activity. Blame it on my outrageously high expectations (I mean, come on, Prince Charming??), or the way i've been taught to look at sex and love, but it just hasn't happened.

I used to be okay with this. When most guys found out that I still had my V-card, they'd either be astounded and think it was great and I was some kind of rare gem, or tell me I was lying (although I should hope I'd know if I lost it...). Well, lately, I'm not feeling that way quite so much.

I bought a "true love waits" ring a few weeks ago to wear on my left hand...not for any religious reasons, just as a reminder to hold fast to the things I have always been taught and believed. Which to me, doesn't even mean until marriage...just until love...

But honestly, I've been contemplating turning the ring upside down so it becomes a simple, plain silver band - or taking it off all together (no pun intended). I'm starting to consider a more Carrie Bradshaw point-of-view via "Sex and The City."

So this - is my virtuous dilemma. We'll see where tomorrow brings me.